The Maze

When I lived in another country for 15 months, M was my best friend there. She had blond hair, pale skin, turquoise colored eyes. She talked lazily like a nanny who tried to hypnotize a baby. It was not exactly sleepy sound but sound for sleep. I loved her voice. We liked to be drunk. I mean, completely wasted. We made some mistakes without shame. Afterwards shame was manageable to us or we did not need to manage them anyway. We were young. We were like a wild animal who roamed in the dark. When I had to leave the country, it was very hard to us. I was going back to home where was so far from where she was. We could not know when we could meet again. Maybe very soon. Maybe never. We spend many nights for farewell parties. Then just a day before me leaving, M and I decided to go to a park for the last time before my departure. It was winter. It was cold. The sky was clear. We were 100% sober. The park was big and beautiful. There were many huge Platanus trees. We strolled along the old trees for a long time. After the pleasant stroll, we warmed up ourselves in a canteen-like cafe in the park. Drinking tasteless coffee, we were talking about the future. The unseen and unheard future was strong enough to scare us. We were kids frightened by the notorious future.

We started strolling again. Walking in the cold and dry air, between trees, was a kind of ceremony. When we almost reached the other side edge of the park, we found a maze made of dense thickets. We entered in to the maze for fun. Soon, I realized how easy I could be disorientated. We were rushing around the maze. Forward and backward. Backward and forward. To cover the underneath anxiety, we were laughing as if it were a funny game. We were completely lost in the maze. In the maze in the park in the foreign country. At last, we were able to get out of it when we found a shortcut sign made for people like us who gave up on finding the exit. It was the last thing we did together. We could have done something more special and meaningful. But, we chose being in the maze together in a chilly winter day. Since I left the country, we sometimes sent emails or letters to each other. We have never talked about my last day in the park, though we still talk about the future. We are still frightened and worried. She still has blond hair, pale skin, turquoise colored eyes. We are still kids, but we are not young anymore.

All Contents ⓒSu Jung